good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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