Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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