matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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