R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This girl is more easily done than said...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
