I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
