apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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