Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
