If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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