Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
