OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
