big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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