so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
