The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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