perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
