i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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