We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
