He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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