ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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