I just pynch a tree in the face
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
