God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
