You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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