Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
