1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
