So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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