I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
