you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
