I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize