So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
