um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
