I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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