They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
