I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize