sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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