i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
