So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
