Don't you send me to vm
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
