she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
