Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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