ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
please come you make the beer taste better
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
