I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We got so high we made milksteak
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
