so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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