Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
