Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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