I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
