I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
