my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
