Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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