no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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