cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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