Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Drunk is not a location!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
