There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
