It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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