Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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