You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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