I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
