Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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