His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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