Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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