Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
