i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
