well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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