That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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