so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
