He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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