In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
