Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
