I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Four minutes until I can fart!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
