Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
